Environmental Theory
I.
My fellow Americans: We are no strangers to war.
Your patience grows thin. Drugs, Terror, Afghanistan. Progress seems impossible. What happened to wars we could win?
I tell you, we do not know whom we fight.
I tell you truly, we do not know our enemy. We do not see what stands before us, chopping away at our territories, taking the lives of our children. We do not see the force that has plotted against us from the beginning of time. I say to you, we are fighting the wrong war.
II.
II.
I wish to propose, very simply, war against that which causes most harm. From this day forth, I declare war against that which we already know to fear.
First: the Gulf of Mexico. My fellow Americans, I tell you that these wild waters are the enemy. Ignore their insidious propaganda campaign; the media were too easily won. Why would we protect that which is slowly stealing our land? Were Mexico encroaching on our territory so consistently, so brazenly, would we stand by and watch? And yet you say “Protect the Gulf.” I say to you that waters attack in stealth and secret, but they know what they do.
But water is only part of the problem. My fellow Americans, I say that the environment is the enemy. In our hearts we know to fear it. But we are America; we believe that something corrupted can be saved. And amen I say to you that yes, the corrupted shall be saved, but only once they are cleansed! Think of Germany. Think of Japan. Think of flags flying, think of governments falling; think of what has been built by America, in all places and at all times, as we create in our own image.
Now think of a nation that oppresses its own. Think of incoming implosions promising instability. Think of chemical imbalances and governmental imbalances; think of structures of power so convoluted that no one is ever in charge and no one is ever represented. Think of a failed state eating away at itself from the inside.
III.
III.
I say to you: The Environment! She steals our land, She steals our lives, She threatens our energy security more than any dictator ever could, and yet we still pledge our allegiance! My fellow Americans, I will not stand by. I will not watch as She strips us of acres of land, encroaches on our coastlines, causes our crops to wither and our houses to burn. I will not stand by and watch.
I will stand with America, for America, and I ask you to stand beside me. Together we will root out the evil seed at the core of Her insidious will, Her hurricanes and tornadoes and volcanoes and earthquakes, Her variations on violence and devastation. Her bitter symphony shall be silenced, and together we shall create once again, in our own image. Join with me as we dethrone Her tyranny and gain a new ally. This is the war we were born to fight. She will not be resurrected till She is destroyed!
1 comments:
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Galen Westerfield on April 5, 2012 at 12:56 PM said...
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An interesting satire, but I was trying to read it with the voice of an actual president and it didn't quite work. I feel the thing this piece could really use are some good old Bush colloquialisms. Consider dropping a few nuculars.
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